Click here for . . . HAPPILY EVER AFTER?
(thoughts, tips, and essays on marriage)
CULTURE SHOCK :
WHAT'S GOING ON IN OUR WORLD?
Got ideas?? Or a an essay? Send it in! Click "CONTACT US".
Check out the Shopping page for very cool Culture Shock D-Generation products. Wonder what D-Generation means? See Robin's Notes.
This is where we share ideas on what's going on in our culture, and how we can change it to make it better for our children.
January 2, 2008
TONI’S STORY
Josh McAllister’s salvation at the Home of Grace saved more than just his soul.
The 22-year-old’s addiction to pain medications crumbled the foundation of his marriage. While he sought help for his problem in Vancleave, his wife filed for divorce. But the day after papers were served, Toni McAllister gave her husband one more chance.
This is her story:
When Toni McAllister says she has known her husband forever, she’s not far off. They met as toddlers on a T-ball field and have been friends ever since. They dated in high school, with plans to marry after graduation. They started college together in Natchitoches, La., near their hometown of Winnfield, and married soon after. Josh got a scholarship to play baseball at a Kansas junior college. In an area known for producing professional baseball players, this was a chance for the two to add another chapter to their storybook romance.
His dreams of the major leagues ended with excruciating back pain and surgery to alleviate it. He turned to prescription pain meds for relief.
As young newlyweds, Josh and Toni rarely saw each other. Josh had a job as an assistant coach in Natchitoches an hour away and tournaments on the weekends. Toni was taking 21 hours in college for her degree in biology and chemistry. They rarely saw each other for any length of time, but figured it would be worth it when Toni graduated and they had enough money saved for a house.
In the summer of 2005, Toni was working at Friendship Camp, a childhood experience that she continued to support as a counselor as an adult. It was her haven and sanctuary and she persuaded Josh to work with her. She looked forward to spending time with him in one of her favorite places.
That’s when she learned about his addiction. His mood and attitude was so different from the happy, stable man she fell in love with that she was shocked at his new drug-inspired personality.
She became the head of their household, the mother-figure and boss, taking responsibility for his medicine and doling out his pills on a schedule. She was proud of his compliance to the restrictions, but was blinded by his ease at weaning himself from the painkillers.
Then she learned the truth. While he was taking the prescription meds that she gave him, he also had his secret stash that he used to fill in the gaps - an expensive stash that Toni figures cost them about $5000 a month. Josh emptied their savings account, using the money collected from an insurance settlement from a car accident to support his habit. The money had been collecting interest so they could buy a house. “He had used all of that and I didn’t figure it out,” she said.
He promised to do better, and she half-heartedly believed him. She suspected the drug use was continuing. “Josh was getting so much on the street that I didn’t know about,” she said.
She didn’t recognize the symptoms of drug addiction. “Everybody’s like, ‘You should have known,’ but I didn’t know,” she said.
In the spring of 2006, Josh entered rehab. He completed detox and went home to his mother. The couple had officially separated.
Josh convinced Toni to let him come home. “I wanted to believe that he was OK and he was better and everything was going to be fine,” she said.
She couldn’t get over his deceptions and the mistrust so he moved out again.
He had a good job with the district attorney making “tons of money” but when he lost that job he claimed he was laid off because of a lighter workload in the office. She didn’t believe him. “He had lost his job because he had messed up,” she said.
This time his drug problem guided him to Vancleave where he checked into the Home of Grace in June 2006. Through their friendship, courtship, and marriage, Josh had confessed to be a Christian, yet Toni never believed he had given his heart to the Lord. Two weeks into his stay he professed salvation.
Back in Louisiana, Josh’s spending left Toni living on $30 a month after bills were paid. She relied on God and the scriptures she read often in her Bible, but she was worn out mentally and physically and believed divorce was her only option. Josh was served papers in August.
The day after he learned of her intent, she called to offer him one more chance. Josh’s new-found peace had given him better perspective. “He said he knew I’d call,” she said.
After graduation from the Home of Grace in September 2006, Josh avoided Winnfield, but not his wife. He worked in Houston with his father so he wouldn’t be around the forces that had been such an influence on him. By January, he was back home with Toni and working in her family’s logging business alongside her father.
Toni has forgiven him for his lies and infidelity during his addiction and their marriage has become stronger from the ordeal. “The Lord has blessed us majorly,” she said. “He seems like a totally different person.”
Toni believes their experiences happened for a reason. “I believe we go through that just to make us stronger. What if Josh hadn’t been on pills, if he hadn’t gone to the Home of Grace, would he have been saved?” she said. “I thought I had the power to fix him. The only one who has the power is Jesus.”
Toni said Josh’s stay at the Home of Grace saved her as well. “The families are also going through it for a reason. We’re not just innocent bystanders,” she said. “We’re going through it to learn, to get closer to God.”
The couple returns to Home of Grace every few months to visit Josh’s friends and to share their testimony. Toni loves to see Bluff Creek, where her husband was baptized under the three crosses on its bank. “That is his sanctuary. I love it and I love all the people there,” she said. “If he had not gone there, I don’t think we’d be together today.”
Special Thanks to our newest PMS Sister Toni!!!
To find out more about Home of Grace, click here.
December 17, 2007
This one's for the Girls!!!
I just joined a facebook group called “Us Women of Holiness Can Cover Our Bodies & Still Look Fly!” Although I feel middle-aged and definitely not "fly", I do try to be not completely frumpy (most of the time), and I'm working (along with all of you) against society in teaching my 9-year old daughter to be modest and ladylike. The modesty part is going ok so far with her. Ladylike, however, is another story. Girls these days seem just about as gross as boys, most of the time. I see girls laugh just as heartily as the boys at ugly jokes and bodily functions. And they are the offenders almost as often as the boys are. Ugh.
Manners aside, I commend the young lady who created the facebook group and all the other members for their strong convictions. Our bodies belong to God, and He has NOT given us permission to advertise His products. It's not ours to sell or to give away.
This is for the young ladies in your life. Please share it with them! I think we’ve all been shocked (or should be) by the fashions worn by young ladies nowadays. This is what I believe to be true about the trend toward immodest clothing:
Even if you are not concerned with religion or God’s desires for you, I want all you young women to understand this: You DO have power. You ARE strong. You ARE beautiful. But your power, strength, and beauty are not revealed by exposing the most intimate parts of your body for everyone to see. Sure, you can make a boy look. And act. But that power is deceptive. Once he looks and then acts, you have lost your power, your strength, and your beauty. You have become a sex object, and not the individual woman you were created to be.
I understand that today’s culture teaches girls that they are free to dress, act, and present themselves in any fashion they like, and that doing so does not diminish their intrinsic value. But in reality, it does. When you dress in a way that says, “no part of me is sacred”, then you are seen as a girl who doesn’t hold any part of herself to be sacred. You may feel that you are being bold and fashionable in being unafraid to expose your body to the world. But you are actually presenting yourself as someone who has no self-worth other than physically. You may not intend your outward appearance to reduce your inner value in other’s eyes, but that is exactly what you are doing. Other people will respect you only as much as you respect yourself. There is no self-respect in dressing or acting immodestly.
You need to realize, too, that ALL normal men are attracted to the female body. That’s the way God created us. But He intends for you to share that attraction with your (future) husband, and no one else. Do you really want your father, grandfather, brother, uncle, cousin, friend, teacher, preacher, deacon, or a complete stranger to see your cleavage, your belly-button, or (pardon my crudeness) your pelvis or crack??? Or even just your bra and panties? Most of them will act like they don’t see it, but see it they do. And many of them will have more trouble than you can understand in trying not to react to what they are seeing. Many, many young women have been hurt, physically and emotionally, by such men. Sexual power can so easily become sexual slavery.
If you have been unaware of your sexuality or think that you are too young for it to matter, you are mistaken. Innocence is a wonderful state, and you should strive to remain as innocent as possible in thought, word, and deed. But there is never any innocence in exposing your breasts to boys and men. Ever. Or any other part of your body that is normally covered by modest clothing. If you are old enough to wear a bra, then you are old enough to care that you are sharing your body in inappropriate ways.
If you do know what you are doing, and like the feeling of knowing that boys and men think of you in sexual ways, then please understand that there are many dangers in this behavior. Even if you aren’t planning to become sexually active, by presenting yourself as someone who is willing to share her body visually, you are inviting physical danger. Rape, date-rape, and molestation are possible in any situation, but even more so when the man involved has been visually stimulated. Men are wired to react in physical ways to visual stimuli. And, believe me, the sight of your body is stimulating enough without your exposing the more intimate areas.
When you can’t find your inner beauty, or feel that your physical appearance or sexuality are your only valuable attributes, please find someone you trust with whom to share these feelings. It’s hard to look at ourselves objectively and clearly sometimes, and you may need help in identifying the real source of your power and beauty.
If anyone has ever told you that you are worthless, you need to know that THEY ARE LYING. These people are trying to make themselves feel better by making you feel bad. Please do not believe this sort of manipulation. There are so many people who love you for who you are. You just need to give them a chance to see the real you. Please do not try to attract people to yourself by using your body. This is not real affection. True love has nothing to do with your physical appearance. If you’ve been led to believe otherwise, by a family member or boyfriend or your buddies, please talk to a parent, teacher, doctor, or friend. You may need to make some changes in your relationships if you are being devalued this way. This is a hard thing to do, so please seek help when you are feeling overwhelmed by such negativity.
Please make a promise to yourself right now. Promise that you will look inside yourself, and find the power, strength, and beauty that are hidden there. Promise to avoid overshadowing your valuable inner loveliness with cheap outer sexuality. Promise that you will no longer revel in the false power that comes from exhibiting the intimate parts of your body. Promise that you will respect the men around you and avoid exposing them to sexual stimuli by dressing and acting inappropriately. Promise to respect and protect yourself by keeping the sacred parts of your body secret.
If you feel like talking about these issues, but don’t want to share your concerns with someone you know, please feel free to email me directly at:
[email protected].
I will do my best to help without being judgmental. I love you and want the best for you. I want every young lady to experience the joys of inner confidence rather than the pretense of outer boldness.
Love to you all -Nancy
For Practical Fashion Tips, Click Here! Want to share fashion advice? Email us! Click here!